Obviously sarcastic cause I’m leading such a crappy life. I really don’t mean to be whiny but no matter how tolerant I am, there’s a fucking limit.
Firstly I don’t even want to go back to Tampines, I have no fucking life there and it’s like facing a sister who always demoralises me, a mother who’s just a stranger to me and a guy who’s apparently my mum’s so-called boyfriend. I love my mum cause she’s nice and cause well she’s my mum but the facts cannot be denied. it’s not that I prefer staying with my dad or anything but here in woodlands is where my friends are and where my stuff are. This is where I have freedom and I don’t need to constantly put on a front that makes my mum happy. This is where I hardly have to face my dad who although is doing all he can to be a good father, he’s but another stranger I call daddy. Someone I am clueless about, and who is clueless about me too. I have to face my grandma and family too but at least I can escape to my room where I can be myself, by myself. At tampines i must be this false alter ego that my mum knows. When everyone expects so much of me, to be someone I am not at all, how can I not break? It’s only been 16years of this life and I feel myself coming apart after all the changes I must go through, what will happen in the future, I cannot imagine. Everybody expects so much of me, it’s just so fucking hard to make everyone happy. There’s an internal war between my families, how do I remain sane and neutral? Yes okay everything is my fault, I hope all of you are happy when I finally go insane. Maybe I kinda look forward to that day, that day would be the day I am free of responsibility to be this strong person I completely am not. The day I can truly feel happiness and warmth from an actual family.
Silly me, who am I kidding?